Saturday, 21 May 2016

Results&Md

It's like the mid of my holiday.. holiday has been preponed I suppose. Tomorrow morning is results day. Omg I am really nervous cause I am the only witness to how badly I have done for my end year examination. I am sure that I failed Maths and Economics. I should have barely passed Business. I think this time my accounts and general paper are also average. I would be really thankful if I managed to pass all but I am sure that maths is the worse, economics is also on par. It's like so unfair, I pick my topics because there are times when one cannot finish studying all properly so I chose topics and it was sheer bad luck that it did not come out. :( But that's okay, we can always be more prepared for the next paper. This is no excuse but I was kinda sick for the previous few days before the exam too. I literally had headache that made me want to end life (80%) Lol. It was so bad but after staying in the hospital for 3 hours, it finally subsided and finally I was 100% okay by the next day but it did hamper in ways of how I would study. Sometimes I would feel like totally not studying. Bad habit but oh well, it's over now. All the papers are accounted for and marks has been set. I have no regrets what so ever. But my mom's kinda disappointed.I told her that I am going to fail. She told me not to attend classes no more. It's my birthday coming up in a week, next Sat. I was planning maybe I'd celebrate it but I guess it is not going to happen but that's really okay cause it's just a day when one first cries, really. I am planning to go sakela on Saturday with Susma and Jyoti. I don't have the Rai costume yet and I don't think I am going to wear Rai really. I am planning to wear light saree instead of a usual black skirt with white polka dots. (Too mainstream)

I have been chatting/talking with MR lately. Actually we always chat and today, we finally got to talk from messenger. Thank God. He is really sweet and nice. I can always feel his unconditional love for me. I feel so honoured to be his girlfriend and hope to be his finance soon and then his wife. :D But that's a long wait, only after I get my bachelor degree, which can be another 4-6 years depending on how well and where I study. It's like so good. He sees future with me. We often talk about having children, a dog as our pet. We can just talk about anything and everything, it's fun and it shows how much we have bonded over almost a year. It's going to be 11 months with Mr Md in 3 days. :) I am planning to send him a card over for our 1st Anniversary but I haven't had ideas or time to make one yet. Argh my creativity has gone down the drain.. I don't know how to ask him for his address too haha

Monday, 2 May 2016

Rants? Clueless. Inspired

Vacationnnnnn~ for the next 2 months :D It started on 29 of April to probably 28 of June. My college is so bad at informing us about the right dates..we have to log into our fb or message 'GIHE' to 4546. End term was bad. I feel like the worse student is defo me. I did study but could not understand much due to our teachers being so laid back about the whole studying process. It kinda sounds like I am blaming the teachers but I guess we are both at fault. They fail at motivating us to study, well not all.
I am not looking forward to collect my results. Nahhh, I am really going to do better at the next exam. Omg, I badly need some motivation. My English speaking has also declined -.- I will only take my ielts like on the next exam date. I need to improve by speaking English rather than my recent comfortable Nepali speaking. But what sucks is that...people in my college thinks I am showing off by speaking English, they tell me that I am now in Nepal and not in Singapore so stop because they don't understand which hurts. Kinda cause it's affecting me badly. Like for example, when I need to speaking English other times, it sound so bad like I recently picked up the language. Omg, pisses me off. I do not understand why I care either, I mean it's my life, I can do what I want to. Speak whatever I want. One day, I am going to speak Malay and Chinese. But who do I speak with haha. And Filipino and Thai, languages of my best friends. :D I know really limited words though.
Ah so well, let's go back to the holiday list;
I basically have nothing planned. The worse part is that I find my classmates real selfish...okay not all but the few ones I hang out with. None of them shared what they are going to do and whoever did, they are not going to help me out. Nepal, the land of Himalaya, also the land of corruption. Here, they value connections and money more than talent. Well, it's changing now though but there are still lots of room for improvement. More like 80% more. But everything has pros and cons. They are many things good about Nepal as well. So well, I don't really have a lot of connections here. I have none so I cannot get internship or jobs here easily. So I am not sure what I will do during the holiday. I want to volunteer but it's kinda far from where I live and no one wants to take me there so I am not sure. I am a clueless person with no idea what to doo. But whatever, for the past few days I have been watching few movies. It has been Chinese, Thailand, Filipino, English(duh) and today I watched this that touched me. It was about cultural and I am really interested in things like that so well, it was basically about enlightenment, Buddha, India, a thai movie called "Namaste Hello Bye". It taught me about how precious life is(life is short), how to be calm and how Buddhist works. It did taught me a lot. Now I understand why my boyfriend decided to tattoo Lord Buddha on his left arm. Buddhist is a really peaceful religion, every religion is actually but it's different. For example when I go to Boudha Stupa in Nepal and when I hear the chants, it makes me feel at peace. The 5 colours flag all over the stupa. I heard that the prayers are blown. Ah well, so I decided to make a new blog and it will be about cultures, religion, languages in my country and around Asia. After being born and raised in a multi racial country, Singapore, I have always been open to cultures and have the urge to learn more about them.

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Weak enough

Today I found out that I am such a weak person. They say experience is the best thing you can get.
I am broken because the person I love the most does not understand me, he does not trust me and Idk what to do with life,

I am going crazy. And so, I don't know where to begin. Being in a relationship can be difficult but I know Md is the one for me. I just know it. We quarrel sometimes and quite a lot of times if there is a need to voice out. It's normal for our thinking not to match and it's really okay to quarrel cause it makes love more meaningful, you find out within yourself of how much you don't want to lose him, I do not ever want to lose him ever. I just love him too much to comfort myself that he might not be in future. I want him and only him. I have never been in a real relationship before this, I never held anyone's hand or kissed. Md's the first guy I ever did it with and I am glad that he is my first and I wish that he is the last as well. I don't remember not putting effort on any of the days when we were together. However busy I was, I would pick up his phone call or reply his message. It never mattered to me if I had my exams the next day, I would still video chat with him and tell him that my marks does not really matter, it only him who matters to me. I am glad that it's the same from his side. He would be there celebrating with his friends and he would run away from them just to talk to me. I remember however sleepy I would be, I would still pick up his call and talk but there are days I would accidentally sleep. Sorry about that. I just feel like we are perfect for each other, I know he feels the same. I am shaking, I am shaking because I am too weak. I want to hold on, I will hold on but I don't know for how long I can hold on. I will try my best.
I want to spend the rest of my whole life with him. Then, I would marry him after I end college which would be in 2021 or 2022. It's a long wait and mom says that maybe he will not wait for me till then but I am hoping that he does. So many things go through my mind everyday about him. Maybe it's my fault, I don't show him that I love him very much but I promise that it is only him that I care about. Sometimes I think if I will get hurt real bad if he leave me, I would be completely shattered. I think I will become a nun, I will be a social worker and live my life serving the need, not marry or fall in love ever again. I realise that I cry a lot whenever I get hurt. That makes me a weak woman who is inauspicious.
I think that being born brought bad luck into my family and into other people's life because I am bad luck myself. It feels like I snatch everyone's happiness. All I ask for really is for Md to be healthy and safe wherever he is. If we ever have to part ways in the future, I wish he would not remember me and will always stay happy, healthy, safe with someone else. As I write this, it breaks my heart so bad because I never want to be replace. I cannot stop my tears rolling down my cheeks. I do not want to be a weak person.
I wish and pray that Md and I would never have to part ways. I wish that we will only be each others.
We have been together for almost 11 months now and I hope that we will continue till forever.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Md-Saima Love Story

It's late, past 9pm and I just have some late night thoughts. Mainly about my boyfriend..yeah, I kinda find myself thinking about him and our future together most of the time. I have planned for forever. I have planned that it's him or no one else. It's just weird how someone can mean of much in a matter of time. I am so ready to spend my life with him. Let me tell you our love story;

It all begin on the Internet, one of the successful online relationship! So well, the first time I noticed him was when he first wished me 'happy birthday' last year, 2015, on my Facebook time line but I did not really bother about who he was so I just thank him. After a few weeks, on June, he started talking to me on Facebook chat. It was not that bad, I liked talking to him. We mainly talked about the recent earthquake and quite a few things about each other(actually I can't remember much since it was way back in June) but yeah, we started chatting on 15 June and well,  he asked me to be his girlfriend in less than a week! I am not sure when our official date is but I remember saying yes on the 22nd of June :D

What attracted me to him mainly was the way he talked, his ideas and experience showed that he is really intelligent and matured. The first thing that caught my attention. At first, I found him okay appearance wise but when I met him for the first time, I was mind blown. He looked wayyyy better than his photos. But I still think character and maturity level is important. But I love him the way he is. A little childish, way too sweet, makes me smile, makes time for me, treats me as a princess, treats me as though I am really important in his life, more importantly, he loves me more than I deserve. :) I know very well that he loves me more than I do but I will not let him say that. Hehe I love him very much, with all my heart and believe it or not, he is the one that I want to spend my whole life with. :D

Okay, so the first time we met would be 26 of July,  it was the day of my freshers party in college. Md's flight landed at 3pm. I was there at about 2.30pm but I had to wait for almost 2 hours before he finally came out. The most epic thing that happened was when a woman asked me if I was waiting for the UK flight and I told her yes and then, she asked me if he was my husband. (Just the thought makes me laugh, I ain't that old haha) I told her no, he is not my husband but just someone (I was so shy) and she kept asking me like 4 times but I kinda ignored her and said it was just someone. She kept saying that the flight landed an hour back but they were taking such a long time. Soon, she met someone and left me off the hook. That's when I saw Gopi! She is Md's niece and my old friend from back when I was in Singapore but she returned 3 years before I did. I quickly went over and called her but she just stared at me. (Omg wow she failed to recognise me) I was like," I am Saima!" And she is like really haha I asked her to follow me and out of the waiting area. She said why i was there cause no one really knew about our relationship back then. When I told her that I was dating her uncle, she was shocked and told me not to lie. After some time, she was convinced. When Md finally came out and his brothers were there too. I was so nervous that I forgot to greet them 'namaste'. Such a bad first impression :( After that Md got me into a taxi and I went home. The next time we met was in Nakhipot itself. He was there with a few of his friends. But only the two of us went walking around together. So at first, I took him to the suicide point where we just sat down and talked a little. I was so nervous and shy that I was pulling the grass on my left side (he was on my right). Later he realised and took my hands into his hands and told me to stop killing the innocent grass. Haha and then we walked down to Kantipur colony for a walk,  he told me that he really liked the place. We walked back uphill and that's when he asked to piggy back me but I declined. I was that shy back then. Later we just walked back to his friends and it started raining when he bought me an umbrella. Awwhh,  I hold the umbrella the first and then laterhe wanted to and it got a little awkward as he had his arms around me and was hold the umbrella. Soon, I went home and he went home. Looking back now at all this simple but perfect memories, it feels so good. I will continue with the story some other day as I will have to sleep even if I badly want to continue,  college tomorrow. Good night! :)

Sunday, 24 January 2016

Sakela experience

SAKELA/CHANDI - RAI CULTURE

 So I tried to deck myself up into the Rai's cultural dress



 With Susma's cousin and Susma :)





A random video before we left the sakela ground :)

Monday, 21 December 2015

December already?!

Hello, Sewaro!

Today is 21 December 2015, 3 days away to a year I have stayed in Nepal. It's so weird how quickly time pass. So many things has happened and will happen. College is good. I have made so many new friends, even close ones and best thing is that we are going to be classmates for a year and half more. Half a year has already pass. It's so hard to believe. It does not even feel like I have attended college that much, but I have. We will be having our 2nd term examinations soon. So looking forward to score really well. :D
Anyways baby is here, in Nepal. I had not expected him to return this year itself but oh well, he is here! :D I have met him twice since he arrived on 14 December. He will be returning soon on Jan 4. I wish we never have to part. LDR is kinda difficult cause I really want him to be by my side. I want him to be here whenever I need him, I want him to be here to hug, hold, kiss me. All I want is him. I am just deeply in love with him and would never want to lose him. I am already here thinking about all the possibility of spending my entire life with him. I have to say that I never felt this way about anyone else before.
But here it goes, there is always ups and downs, always misunderstandings and jealousy in relationships, it's totally normal. And we had a huge quarrel regarding this matter where I almost lost him but we are fine now. It was all my fault, I always act in a childish way and unknowingly hurt people because of my stupid actions. But I will be more careful and think 100 times before doing something. I have a massive problem, I just do not think enough. I just do things how I like and it's just selfish. Oh well, it was a huge lesson for me though. I will not do anything stupid again that I lose my soulmate. I just got lucky, but honesty, I am thankful from the bottom of my heart that Md Rai came into my life. It just feels so good and safe with him. I love him, infinity and beyond, forever and ever. I am not sure when we are meeting again but it's either Thursday or Friday.

We have mufty day on Thursday, it's a day when students from our college raises 150 rupees each to donate to the charity. We organise Talent show for students to showcase their talents and have some fun. We even get to wear casuals and attend classes. Cool eh,

So that's all for today. I will be updating and uploading some pictures from cousin brother's wedding soon. They are beautiful *.* I have tons of homework to catch up on. Can you believe it's just Monday today? Long way to the weekends.

Sunday, 6 September 2015

US fair plus day out

Yesterday, my classmates and I attended the US fair that was held at Yak and Yeti hotel early at 11am in the morning. We waited in the queue under the scorching sun for about 20 minutes until we were let in. God, the other girls were pushing us from the bad. Neha kept saying mannerless. It normal to be pushing in the micro, bus and other public places but also in the hotel? God, I wish someone would put some sense into them. If they want to study in the US then it is important to act a little more decent. If they push through people in the us, they are in trouble.
We went to various booths and collected the flyers given to us. Personally I did not find any of them that interesting, maybe because every booth were too congested and we could not have the one on one conversation due to the crowd. We also attended the presentation around 12.30pm, which was mainly about visa issues and choosing course, etc. Shreya, who was sitting beside me, started to doze off which made me laugh. I found it quite boring myself. Oops. And soon, we decided to leave as it was boring and we were starving. We had our lunch at bakery cafĂ© around 2pm. Mygoodness, I only had a boiled egg and milo for breakfast. Thankfully it kept me running. After lunch, we headed to baskin robbinson for some ice cream treat, it has been forever since I had one. Yummm...
After that we went window shopping. I had no idea that Nepal had "Charles and Keith", it was okay inside, too expensive for Nepal.
I had lots of fun hanging out with the others though, I had not expected the day to turn the the way it turned out to be. It was awesome as we learnt more about ourselves and each other.

Finally babe and I talked on the phone and even video chatted. It felt like as though it has been forever since we last talked to each other. I love it when he compliments me and how he smiles and laugh at my jokes, it just feels so nice like we connect so well. Sometimes I really wish he was here, here to hug me, here to hold my hand, here to feed me. I miss him. I really hope that our relationship last forever, infinity and beyond. I just can't wait for the day I graduate and soon, get married to him, bear children, omg haha(maybe in 7 years) well, he actually wants at least 2 but told me even 1 is okay. He actually said he wants a room full of children. Oh I love him. :) I miss him bad.